Most of the time, the 'thing' you are arguing about is not the thing you are arguing about. There's usually an underlying issue that needs to be addressed.
Many times you're both just exhausted and cranky. Recognize that in yourself, calm down, apologize and ask to discuss it after a little rest. (I said recognize it in yourself. Not your mate. Don't say, "You're just tired and cranky." Not good. And don't use tiredness as an excuse EVERY night.)
Usually it's more complex, however. For example: You occasionally get down on yourself and feel you're falling behind in multiple areas of life. Then your spouse comes along and mentions an oversight in one of those areas. Let's say it's maintaining an alarm of some kind. Internally, you feel like this: "Crap! That's one more thing I forgot. I totally suck at life. But I don't need you pointing that out!"
But the only part you say out loud is, "I don't need you pointing that out!"
But the only part you say out loud is, "I don't need you pointing that out!"
KA-BOOM.
You were angry at yourself but you took it out on them. Not good. Until you step back, calm down, and uncover the real motivation for your outburst (in this case, your self-anger), you're going to have a shouting match about "You always leave it on" and "You never turn it off" that fixes nothing.
Bottom line: Stop. Breathe. Mentally backtrack to what really set you off INSIDE - not the piddly external thing you're arguing about that isn't the real problem. Talk about THAT.
Apologize. Be honest. Be vulnerable. Admit wrong. Empathize. Forgive. Work together.
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